• A$$face McGee: slang term for someone who you really don't like; an a$$hole.
• A$$holes Anonymous: an expression used when trying to convey that a person's behavior has become excessively offensive and upsetting to you or the people around you; typically used in the phrase "Looks like someone needs to join A$$holes Anonymous."
• aiiight: means all right.
• Al Gore: the Jesus of climate change; a term often used to convey disgust with things that use a lot of energy (eg, "You still use those kind of light bulbs. Al Gore!")
• all up in it: slang term meaning someone being deeply involved in matters that they should not be involved in; also used as "all up in my space" or " all up in my grill," which are both references to someone being to close to you.
• amaymay: slang for amazing; typically used when whatever is amazing is both young and feminine, "OMG, that top is amaymay."
• angst: describes a mixture of the following feelings: anxiety, apprehension, anticipation, anguish, hope, hopelessness, anger, disappointment, and pain; commonly characterized by extreme emotionality and wistful glances into the distance.
  
• Anne Marieing it: means marrying an a$$hole just to get married; based on our favorite online Internet dating couple!
• apprehentious: what Tim says is a combination of "apprehensive" and "pretentious" and what I say is easier than saying "ap·pre·hen·sive·ness."
• Archbishop Step-in-Crap: the affectionate nickname people gave to my high school alma mater.
• Assistant Editor: what I am now, in yo' face!
• auto-play: the Imeem feature that allows music to be played when you visit the blog. Search for a little white box with an advancing gray bar and you'll be able to turn it off.
• avatar: that little cartoon picture of me above; Merriam-Webster says: an electronic image that represents and is manipulated by a computer user.
• 'burbs: short for "suburbs."
• b-day: short for "birthday."
• Bacardi & Cola: Lauren and my lounge act; I'm 'Cola' by the way.
• back in the day: expression popular in urban areas that means back when times were good, such as in the 1980s and early 1990s.
• bad/good: adjective; describes when something is alternately bad that it's good and when it's good it's bad (eg, "This movie is so bad/good. It's so bad that it's funny but whatever good is in it is bad to be in this movie.")
• bah!: like Scrooge, "bah!" connotes a sense of hatred and disdain over whatever is being said or going on around you.
  
• bake my scrod: to make fun of someone, to ridicule.
• bananas: what the sh!t is.
• Barracunha: Danny! (inside joke)
• Batman move: a driving term, it refers to performing a cool-looking maneuver in order to avoid accident. Usually used after saying "That was a total..."
• BEACH!: when shouted out loud by itself, it means "We are going to the beach."
• beatdown: a total unfair smackdown of epic proportions (eg, Rodney King).
• beautes: slang term for "beautiful."
• beautiful mess: someone who is both beautiful and has a dysfunctional life, like Marilyn Monroe or Anna Nicole Smith.
• bestiefriendy: slang for "best friend."
• betta: slang for "better."
• betch: derivative of bitch; a particularly heinous form of; Kelly origin.
• biddie/bittie: a slang term for b!tch; often used when the word b!tch is inappropriate to use.
• Big Hair: a former co-worker, quite annoying, has really Big Hair.
• Big Red: my evil, bitchy car.
• big up: an exclamation of acknowledgment and appreciation to someone or an institution; similar to a "shout-out. "
• bisexuality: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward both sexes.
• b!tch slap: a slap between two female television enemies; to make it an official bitch slap, the slapper must be brunette and the slapee must be blonde, the slapper must also say the phrase "You bitch!" while slapping the slapee.
• b!tchfest: when someone loses it and proceeds to angrily complain about something for longer than a normal conversation about the subject; eg, "It's OK. His b!tchfit will be over soon. Want some coffee?"
• b!tchlet: indicates when someone either very young or very small is being a b!tch (eg, "Look at this b!tchlet. She can't even reach that shelf so she's demanding someone do it for her.")
• blerg: Liz Lemon's favorite nonsense word used for when something goes poorly in your life.
• blogathon: the act of writing a lot of blog posts at the same time.
• blogosphere: the total collection of blogs in the world.
• boffo: upper crusty term for when something is done well or someone wins something prestigious.
• boobage: a term meaning the amount of cleavage a woman has at any particular time.
• boobtube: the televison.
• booty cold: when it is so cold outside it gets into the deepest portion of skin on your behind; an all-consuming cold.
• booty holders: one of two (see: "booty wipers") terms my mother created; means underwear.
• booty wipers: means toilet paper.
• born free: refers to an instance of extreme happiness due to extricating yourself from an annoying or deleterious situation (eg, work or a bad date); typically accompanied by the song.
• boss love: the state of being in love with your boss; very bad for everyone involved.
  
• boy banding: the act of being in a boy band.
• bokay: means "okay"; word derived from the 'Deep House Dish' sketches on Saturday Night Live.
• boy lust: unlike regular sexual attraction, boy lust refers to the condition where grown men and women lose their minds due to attraction to or sexual relations with a young man (eg, Mark Foley, "Notes on a Scandal.")
• breakdown: a summary of an event or situation of a larger meaning or context.
• brill: short for "brilliant."
• Brill Paxton: when something is beyond "brilliant" that you need to add more emphasis.
  
• Britley: another name for Britney Spears; used best when annoyed with having to say her name because of some other crazy thing she's doing.
  
• Brokeback Mountain 2: Brokeback's Revenge: my planned sequel to "Brokeback Mountain."
• bromance: a term that indicates when two men have formed a new friendship that is so exciting to both of them that they begin to act like a romantic couple (i.e. getting excited to see each other, going out on special dates with one another).
  
• brother and sister couple: this term is used whenever you meet a romantic couple who although they are not, look like they can be related; term can also be used when talking about gay couples.
• Bruno: my parents' Shih Tzu; even more tempermental than I.
• btw: by the way.
• bull funky: when something is both bull sh!tty and suspiciously odd at the same time.
• burrlicious: another phrase indicating when it is very cold outside.
• busy black people: black people who are too busy to stop moving, have perfect clothes and hair, and always get the job done (I am not one of them).
• Buttercup: the green PowerPuff Girl; the best PowerPuff Girl; the PowerPuff Girl who kicks butt.
• butterface: short for "but-her-face," meaning if someone (typically a girl) has a good body but her face is ugly.
  
• cake: my one and only love.
• canoodling: the act of going out and being seen with someone on a purely social/romantic basis; often used in tabloids to link two stars together.
  
• Captain Obvious: refers to when someone makes a comment or observation that is so obvious it is painfully laughable to those around the person; typically used in the sentence "Thanks, Captain Obvious."
• catasperated: a term that indicates when you have become so "exasperated" with the number of "catastrophes" in your life that you actually become numb to them; often used with the phrase "What else 'ya got God!?"
• catch feelings: when you become emotional over something or someone unexpectedly (eg, "You told me I could date Ryan, don't catch feelings now.")
• catch me out: describes when someone believes you are being untrue about something and they try to "catch" you in a lie, (eg, "Would you believe she asked me where I was last night like I was gonna stutter or something? I was with Craig and dem at the movies seeing "Batman" and she thinks I'm creepin'. She's always trying to catch me out.")
  
• Catholic guilt: a long-term affliction for people raised Catholic, the feeling that your behavior is going to bring you straight to hell as no one can ever live perfectly by the rules of Catholicism all the time.
• check it: means pay attention.
• Chilean: slang expression for when it is very cold outside (eg, Dang, it's Chilean out here!); has nothing to do with the South American nation of Chile.
• chillin': maxin' relaxin'.
• chopping: my mom and I's nickname for "shopping."
• Chow Chow: my nickname for a college roommate who always followed me around like a dog, or more specifically a chow chow.
  
• chunnel: my nickname for the Lincoln Tunnel; European in origin.
• Cinderelli: my nickname for myself when my parents give me all of their work to do and none of it to my sister; based on "The Work Song".
• Club Carlos: inside my car, in the AM, with Newbie Jones blasting.
• clusterf#ck: a term used to describe when there is a lot of everything all around you or a situation.
  
• come to my bosom: a phrase best used when you are about to impart key life information to someone less experienced; can be used in the full sentence "Come to my bosom and let me show you the ways of the world."
  
• concrastination: an opposite form of procrastination where you don't put important things off until later, instead you do a lot of important things to put off doing unimportant ones
  
• conflama: when confusion causes a moment of drama (eg, "Gigi thought that Mimi looked at her wrong and it caused a conflama.") Credit goes to Allan at the adventures of an extroverted wallflower.
  
• contempo: short for "contemporary."
• contro: short for "controversy," i.e. What was the big contro, everyone's done it.
• convo: short for "conversation."
• copper: a term for cop or police officer; not derogatory but shouldn't be used in the presence of an actual police officer.
  
• copwatch: driving term; refers to the person designated to watch out for cops on the roadway for a preoccupied driver.
• Cornhell: one of two nicknames (see also: "Hormell") for my alma mater Cornell University.
• corazon: Spanish word for "heart;" also used in every Latin song ever made.
• cosa: Spicy's favorite word; means 'thing' in Spanish.
• crap balls: an expression that indicates when something is extremely negative for you and occurs suddenly; combination of exclamations "crap" and "balls," which can be used separately.
  
• crap buckets: an expression that indicates when something that is not terribly bad happens a lot like hitting potholes over and over again; see also "f#ck buckets."
• craptastic: combination of "crap" and "fantastic;" refers to when something is so bad it's actually gone 180 degrees and become good again, eg, "Could you believe that bad amateur acting, it was so funny? That movie was craptastic!"
• craycray: slang for crazy, like Britney crazy.
• crazy bones: adjective; indicates when someone is acting goofy or stupid.
• crazy broken: a term that indicates when something is so broken that you're actually surprised that it still works ("Wow, this car still drives! That's amazing given that it's crazy broken.")
• cross-vento: short for cross ventilation.
• cutie patootie: phrase that indicates when someone is very cute; made popular by Rosie O'Donnell during her "crush" on Tom Cruise.
  
• cutsky: noun; indicates when someone cuts another person in a line; eg, "I was waiting for hours and then she came in with a cutsky and totally got there before I did."
  
• 'cuz: short for "because."
• D-U-N: means "done."
• David the Gnome: one of my favorite animated TV shows about a village of gnome people who all wear different color pointy hats; is often referenced when someone is short and looks like a gnome.
  
• daytime porn: a term that indicates when something can be construed as pornographic but is being seen in a place that would not otherwise show pornography, doesn't have to be in the daytime also.
• debt stress: the stress that's created when you have too much financial debt in your life, can also refer to emotional debt.
• decompression time: that day or two weeks you need to rest after a stressful incident or life change.
• def: short for "definitely."
• DILF: acronym for "Dad I'd Like to F*ck"; often considered the male form of "MILF".
  
• directional indicators: lights on the side of vehicles that indicate any change of direction the driver is planning on making on the roadway; to be used at all times.
• diva demands: the requirements every larger than life diva places on the world around her; when a person of little stature makes unreasonable demands from other people.
  
• doable: means when someone is attractive enough for you to "do," or sleep with.
• donkey lips: classic "Salute Your Shorts" character, the fat one.
  
• double feature: when you do two of the same thing right after the other, such as watch two TV shows or go to two different bookstores.
• dou jour: a French term meaning when something or someone is well-liked or favored recently.
• Driving Miss Daisy: driving term; in reference to the film "Driving Miss Daisy," the term means when someone is driving in front of you at a very slow speed causing you to have to go around them eg, "Why is he going so slow? What is he Driving Miss Daisy?"
• Dukes of Hazzard sh!t: From Rita: meaning that you are driving very fast and using crazy and somewhat dangerous moves to get around cars as if the police are after you. For example: "That was just some Dukes of Hazzard Sh!t!" or "Hold on, I'm about to pull some Dukes of Hazzard Sh!t."
• Dynasty action: when something in your life is completely over the top and reminiscent of an episode of "Dynasty."
• earsty: derived from "thirsty," means someone is eager for something.
• East Side: the east coast of the United States as involved in the East Coast/West Coast rap feuds; commonly used to refer to New York City and sometimes Philadelphia.
• eat a spot: a driving term that refers to whenever a motorist occupies space that could and should have been occupied by another vehicle.
• eau du Reid: the fake fragrance of my fabulously blonde, long-haired former camp co-counselor.
• EBS: evil b!tch sister.
• el copitan: a play on the Spanish-language word for "captain" (spelled the same), this is also another playful term for a cop or police officer that should never be used in the presence of an actual police officer.
  
• electronicky: when something has the qualities of being electronic; often applies to music.
• electrosheen: a description for a type of popular music that uses sharp electronic flourishes in place of piano, guitar, and other rhythmic instruments; popular in house and techno songs since the 80s, became popular in urban hip hop, rap, and R&B in the last 90s through 2000s; for an example, see "Forever" by Chris Brown.
  
• epipen: that live-saving device that delivers a dose of epinephrine to camp kiddies in the throws of anaphylatic shock. Yeah!
• Ethel Rosenbaum: my fictional Jewish mother alter ego, "How are youuuu?"
• evah: stands for "ever," term indicates how one would say "ever" with the accent of an older Jewish lady; now used for emphasis; popularized by Spoon cover song "Don't You Evah."
• Evening Meadow: the name of a fictional old-age home in Upstate New York that is often used in sentences to comically describe the process of getting older (eg, "I can't hear anything anymore, it's time for me to go to Evening Meadow"); the slogan is "Evening Meadow: For the Evening of Your Life."
  
• f balls: a play on "f*ck balls," f balls is used when something minorly bad happens to you; used in a similar way as "f*ck nuggets."
• f*ck buckets: the opposite of "f*ck nuggets," this term should be used when something big goes wrong (eg, "I think the cop's pulling me over and I don't have my license. F*ck buckets.")
• f*ck nuggets: when something small goes wrong (e.g. "Oh, f*ck nuggets, I dropped my spoon."); does not mean sex with nuggets.
• fab: short for "fabulous."
• fake firing: this is when someone noted does something incredibly stupid that forces their firing by a major conglomerate, who then waits a little while only to hire that person back after they apologize for their transgression (ie, "Dog the Bounty Hunter").
  
• fake up: this term describes when a couple is reported to have broken up, and has informed friends and family, but in actuality they have kept seeing each other the entire time.
  
• fam: family.
• fav: favorite.
• featurette: indicates when a feature on my blog is not permanent or is not grand enough to warrant its own feature label.
• ferklempt: the feeling of being overwhelmed by emotion; place hand on chest or mouth when saying.
• Ferocha Coutura: the name of Christian from "Project Runway's" WWE diva, one of the funniest things I have ever heard.
• fierce: catch-all word meaning when something is too fabulous or crazy to be believed; when something or someone is particularly powerful, strong-of-will, and great-looking that they look like they can take on the entire world; popularized by Christian on "Project Runway."
• fitspiration: a person, place, thing, event, memory, or time that provides the inspiration for you to get up and get into health and fitness.
• flappy gums: a name for when someone talks too much.
• flava: derivative of the word "flavor," often used to indicate when something has an ethnic or African-American spirit.
• flip the script: verb; slang expression meaning to change an event, conversation, or direction in the opposite direction; a 180; often used when a discussion topic is changed from one person to another person.
  
• forevah: whatever is beyond infinity.
• forevs: an emphatic form of "forever."
• frak: the fictional curse word invented during the new season of "Battlestar Galactica."
  
• freak flags: things that people like or enjoy that aren't quite the norm, or involve chains.
• fresh hell: when something goes immediately terribly wrong, eg, "I think I just got a flat tire. Oh, fresh hell!"
• FRIES, FRIES, FRIES!: Both Lauren's and my future rock group's first single and an exclamation of happiness, e.g. "I just got a promotion! FRIES, FRIES, FRIES!"
• frontwards follow: driver's term; when someone is in front of you, most likely going where you are, and every turn you anticipate making, they make ahead of you so it appears the person is "following" you although they are in front of you; typically frontwards followers are also slow or inept drivers.
• fugly: short for "f*cking ugly."
• full effect: a term indicating when something is completed in such a way that it provides the user the entire experience of whatever the creation is (eg, "Don't go into the dining room yet! I haven't set the table and lit the candles and I want you to get the full effect.")
• ga ga: the game the camp kids couldn't get enough of.
• gasholine: what gasoline becomes when the prices get to high and you have to prostitute yourself to pay for it; expensive gas; also known as "holine."
• gayby: or a "gay" "baby"; not a gay infant but rather someone who is new to being gay (e.g. "Wow, Todd didn't know that this was a gay club! He's such a gayby!")
  
• ghettoplotation: anything in the media or entertainment that exploits the lifestyle of living in the ghetto.
• ghettrocity: a term which indicates when you've tried to do something right and it turned into a hot ghetto mess, eg, "I bought all this new luggage but then it all broke and I had to carry my things in plastic bags! What a ghettrocity!"
• ginormous: extremely large, ridiculously so.
• give papa some sugar: a phrase used when waiting for a good thing to happen.
• glamazon: a large glamourous person.
• Good Time Michelle: friend from the old job, always makes an evening a fun one (get your minds out of the gutter).
• google: verb; means to use the Web site "Google" for search purposes.
• gorge: short for 'gorgeous,' it also refers to someone (usually a guy, but it can be a girl) being hot enough to perform oral sex on so be careful in using it.
• guns: a slang term for biceps; typically used when a man is very muscular and has large biceps which are his pride and joy.
• hachi machi: "The Critic" origin; Jay Sherman's catch-all phrase for when something goes wrong in your life.
  
• h8: shortened form of the word "hate" popularized by the fight against proposition 8 in California.
  
• haterade: hate in liquid form; when a person's hatred is so condensed it's suspicious.
• hateration: noun; the act of hating on someone or something.
• heebie-jeebies: the feeling of unease brought upon by a frightening or scary situation, person, or thing.
• hella: means "a hell of a lot."
• hellacious: a word indication when something or a situation is particularly heinous.
  
• hell to the no: a more emphatic "hell no," popularized by Whitney Houston on "Being Bobby Brown."
• hetero: short for "heterosexual."
  
• high-definitely: like high-definition TV, say this when you want to be super-clear about something, e.g. "I am high-definitely going to the party."
• HIGHlarious: when something is even more funny than hilarious; a completely funny situation.
• high-profility: when you are in a high-profile position in life.
• high-riding b!tch: A high-riding bitch moves through space in time, with love, beauty and compassion in her heart. Her head is filled with thoughts of what is true and possible in the world and she strives to contribute to make it happen; word created by Allan at the adventures of an extroverted wallflower.
  
• Hilarity Clinton: when something is so funny it should be president.
  
• Hillbill: my own personal nickname for Chappaqua residents Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton, otherwise known as The Leaders of the Free World.
  
• hissy fit: a sudden outburst of emotion; derived from the term "hysterical fit"; origin the South.
• h-ney: another word for "horny," when the use of the word "horny" would be incredibly inappropriate, pronounced "H-nee."
  
• hobag: a dirty, dirty person.
• hooker boots: women's boots that make you look like a hooker (prostitute) when you wear them.
• Hormell: one of two nicknames (see also: "Cornhell") for my alma mater Cornell University.
• hot damn: an exclamation of surprise, amazement, or awe regarding a situation or action; a remark of surprise about how good someone looks or how sexy someone is.
• hot mess: means someone or something that is just so crazy-looking, dysfunctional, and unbelievable that you have no other words to describe it or them.
• hot pocket: a hot guy or girl who is small or short but still hot.
• hotsy totsy: when you think you're all cute, but you're really skanky.
• hottie 5000: a super-attractive guy or girl.
• hottie free zone: a place, time, or area that is devoid of the presence of any extremely attractive people who may or may not have to interact with a less attractive you.
• hottie in a half shell: an attractive guy or girl who's more shy or hasn't yet disovered their hotness.
• hotty furtotty: a hot person whose hotness is based soley on their presence of lots of attitude.
  
• hugged up: when you are close to another person in a sexual manner (see also, "pushed up")
  
• huncha-buncha: means to have a lot of something, eg, "a huncha-buncha grapes."
  
• hunkasaurus: a beefy, hunky man.
• I Can't: a term that indicates when one has become so fed up with the direction of a song or music video that they can no longer bear to listen or watch the offending media any longer; typically involves throwing hands up upon utterance
  
• I know, right?: this sentence is typically used when you have made a point about something unique and someone agrees with you; literally translated to mean "I noticed that too, don't you agree with me" in an abbreviated form.
  
• inappropes: slang for "inappropriate."
• individge: short for "individual."
  
• injustitude: the state of injustice.
• inshmanity: when something is both crazy and insane, typically refers to situations more than people (eg, "Did you see him hit the other driver than back up and hit someone else. That was inshamnity!")
  
• itis: a Caribbean term indicating when someone is sleepy or has an upset stomach due to eating too much food, typically meats; often occurs around Thanksgiving-time.
• it's just too much: not a literal translation, but when something is wonderfully overwhelming, e.g. "I didn't realize I don't have work on Monday too, it's just too much."
• it's not that serious: when something or someone does not require the effort that a person is using or when a situation is being blown out of proportion, eg "Are they all waiting for an iPhone. Please, it's not that serious." CREDIT GOES TO TIP! THANKS TIP!
  
• James Bond move: a driving term, it refers to performing a cool-looking maneuver just because it looks cool and it has nothing to do with preventing an accident. Usually used after saying "That was a total..."
• Jazztina: the name for Christina Aguliera's latest image.
• Jennifer Hopez: a nickname for Jennifer Lopez based on her apparent "ho"-ness.
• John's Pizza: on Bleeker Street; brick-oven pizza heaven.
• Juice With Junior: that's this blog, honey.
• Juice With Junior Awards: the blog's award show which happens in October every year (see also "The Juicys").
• Junior: my blog name; not an official nickname!
• junk: your unmentionables, your delicates, your naughty bits, your private parts, whatever you want to call them.
• Justin Timberfake: the name for my arch-nemesis; also referred to as "the Timberfake."
• k'sies: another way of saying "OK."
• ketchup & mustard: a phrase that indicates when you have to review material in order to "catch up" with other people; "make-up."
• knock-down drag-out: term that refers to a violent fight that escalates further (i.e. He got into a knock-down drag-out with some frat guys and is in the hospital now).
• Kubla Khalos: a nickname based on the pronounciation of my name from one of my former bosses.
• L bird: a person who becomes fleetingly fascinated with lesbian culture as a result of watching too much of Showtime's "The L Word."
  
• L-Yeah: nickname for Ugly Betty's Vanessa L. Williams.
  
• La: Lauren's nickname.
• lane hijacker: driving term; indicates when someone is moving too slow in a lane and you're behind them, but they are going just fast enough for you not to pass them in essence "hijacking" the lane to keep anyone else from using it.
• lane hogger: driving term; indicates when someone keeps changing in and out of a lane, preventing you from advancing past them; could also refer to someone driving in more than one lane.
• late: refers to a situation when you're late but it's not that bad, in the 15-20 minute range, pronounced like the drink 'latte,' e.g. "I'm here, sorry, traffic made me a little late."
• laterz: see you later.
• latetrocity: refers to a situation when you are extremely late, e.g. "I'm never gonna make it, I've committed such a latetrocity."
• learn to deal: a term meaning "get over it" or "deal with it," conveys a sense of superiority for the person who says it to the person who can't deal with whatever is going on.
  
• legend: when something has stood the test of time or earned respect. Usage: Mama bacon and eggs for breakfast is Legendary. Honey, Angelina Jolie's lips are Legend. Credit goes to Allan at the adventures of an extroverted wallflower.
  
• let me find out: a warning that bad consequences follow an action (i.e. "Let me find out he's been sleeping with her. I'll kill him.")
• like, seriously: valley girl term meaning when something is true and, yet, people can't believe it.
  
• loins: another name for your sexual parts, naughty bits, etc.; typically used when confronted with a very attractive person; eg, "oh, my loins, look at him."
  
• lovah: someone who you have a solely sexual, romantic relationship with, not a boy/girlfriend or a husband/wife; typically used for older couples; popularized by Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch on "Saturday Night Live."
• lovlies: term meaning "people I love," often used to describe my blog readers.
  
• lurking: hovering around me in an annoying or predatory manner.
• Mad Maniac: refers to a person who has become newly obsessed with the television show "Mad Men"; symptoms include the extreme desire to smoke and drink excessively at work, sleep with as many people as possible, treat women and people of color negatively, and/or work in an ad agency.
  
• mance: male romance or a romance between men, either definition is acceptable, eg, "That's why Tom has been acting so strangely, he's involved in a little mance with Jeff."
  
• mangina: a nickname for the perineum in men, the space between the balls and the, um, opening where a vajay would be in a woman.
• manorexic: when a man has anorexia.
• mantastic: when something is "fantastic" because of the men involved in it (eg, "Did you see that movie '300,' that was so mantastic."
  
• maxin' relaxin': chillin'.
• McFlurry: only the most amazing dessert ice cream shake deliciousness the world has ever known.
• McNasty's: McDonald's (but you know I'm still lovin' it!)
• mans: origin Anthony from "Sex and the City;" mans refers to the act of having a man in your life, either you have mans or you don't.
• mental health day: when you take off sick from work for a day when there is nothing physically wrong with you just because you cannot fathom going in one more day. (see also: postal)
  
• MILF: acronym for "Mom I'd Like to F*ck"; often found in conjunction with "DILF".
  
• mirage man: this term is used to define when you are so starved to find a man attractive because there is a lack of attractive men around you, that you fall in lust after the first guy you see even if he's not very attractive like a thirsty person imagines water in the desert.
  
• model hot: when a regular person is so attractive they could be a model.
• moisture!: an exclamation; used when you see someone who is very attractive, similar to "shwing!" of "Wayne's World," it isn't used in a sentence but shouted out when someone very attractive passes you by.
  
• more than Jesus: a way that says you have a lot of something because, you know, Jesus has Everything! He's the Son of God, y'all!
  
• momala: nickname for my mother.
• Montana Moorehead: the villain of the film "SoapDish" played by Cathy Moritary; a personal hero.
  
• moolala: money.
• muah: an online kiss.
• mucho pissedoffo: a term that refers to when you're really upset but it's not that serious, typically used with "I'm so..."
  
• music supervisor: driving term; the person designated to ensure that good music is played continuously in the car of a preoccupied driver.
• MySpacing: the act of having and utilizing a MySpace page.
• nastase: the chemical equivalent of nastiness; used in reference to nastiness (eg, That girl has nastase falling off of her, stay away!)
• nastiness: when something is extremely not pleasant; typically used in the sentence "That's nastiness."
• Newbie Jones: my 2-year-old iPod, just started speaking, how cute.
• newmonia: when you have a cold and then suddenly get pneumonia out of nowhere (eg, Forget that old monia, because have I got some newmonia for you.)
  
• ...nista: derived from "fashionista," used as a suffix for whenever someone is really knowledgeable about something (eg, "cakenista")
  
• nommed: slang contraction for "nominated."
• noshies: crunchy snack food; comfort food.
  
• NSFW: Not. Safe. For. Work.
  
• O face: the face that you make when you have an orgasm.
• Obamamama: slang term for Barack Obama.
• Obamanation: what the United States will be called if Barack Obama wins the presidency (p.s. I don't want this to happen.)
  
• Oblama: another slang term for Barack Obama.
• obvies: another word that is short for "obviously."
  
• obvs: short for "obviously."
  
• O-V-A-H: means "over," typically used in the phrase "This sh!t is ovah, O-V-A-H!"
• Old Slavery: common nickname for Old Navy.
• old school: a period between the 1980s up to 1995, when music was good and the styles were hot; urban expression meaning back when things were good.
• old timey: something that harks back to the past before old school, like in the 1950s and early 1960s; also a term for old time Hollywood.
• Ole' Faithful: my 4-year-old iPod; we're getting ready for school soon.
• OMG: Oh My God!
• 1, 2, 3: driving term; refers to a parking maneuver when you have to park in several different places because of street-cleaning regulations, eg, "I had to do a 1, 2, 3 because I couldn't park there so I parked there and moved it twice until 10:30."
• Os: my alterego that happens to bowl really well.
• outtie 5000: used whenever leaving a group; from popular Audi 5000 car.
• p'mise: short for "promise."
• padiddle: a vehicle with only one working headlight, upon which one may make a wish if accompanied by licking the thumb, pressing into the palm, followed by a slap of the palm with the opposite hand in a fist.
• Palmela: masturbatory reference; the lonely single person's only friend; combination of words "palm" and "Pamela."
• pasty: to be as white as paste in terms of skin color.
• path of self-discovery: my never-ending journey to oneness.
• peen: a derogatory term for "penis", often used as a shorten form of "penis," however, it usually takes a meaning as to imply that a man's penis is small or unglamorous.
  
• peeps: friends, acquaintances, people I know, blog readers, compadres.
• penetratISH: from "30 Rock," ending of the phrase: "let's skip the small talk and get right to the..." smarmy phrase.
• pics: short for "pictures."
• pile-up: a traffic accident that involves multiple cars and causes damage to each.
• play window: refers to when you're at work at you have an internet window that you use solely for viewing all your favorite websites, as opposed to another internet window which you use for important business related work, eg, "Wow, the boss almost saw my play window with Entertainment Weekly.com on it. That was close!".
• Pocahontas: another nickname for my mother; based on her Cherokee/Oklahomian roots.
• poo-pooed: verb; to discredit the importance of something, to display extreme displeasure over something in the environment.
  
• poorganized: indicates 1) when something was previously organized in a poor fashion, 2) when something appears to be organized but is found not to be organized at all, and 3) when someone has a poor sense of organization skills.
• porn 'stache: a thin mustache that was very popular with me who acted in pornographic films in the 1970s; the mustache was often patchy and not defined and may have been combined with a goatee or soul patch.
  
• porny: a reference to anything or person that resembles what one would find in a pornographic video.
• positivity: the energy-field of warmth and goodness.
• postal: when someone goes crazy at work because they can't take it anymore and need a mental health day.
• Pottery Barn couple: means a couple who is so perfect they seem like they live in the perfect house depicted in Pottery Barn catalogs.
  
• Powdered Toast Man: a character on "The Ren & Stimpy Show," Powdered Toast Man was a superhero with square toast for a head; now the word means any square-headed white man who acts in a very superhero-ish dramatic way.
• predix: means "predictions."
• preggers: the act of being pregnant, with emotion or a baby.
• pret-a-porte: means "ready to wear" in French.
• private dancer: dancer for money, do what you want me to do.
• prolly: probably.
• props: propers; indicates when praise should be paid to someone due to their actions.
• prostitots: those young girls, 12-, 13-years-old, wearing Juicy Couture, standing outside of American Eagle Outfitters on their cell phones, skirts just barely covering their junk, you know those girls.
• protob!tch: the first all-powerful first b!tch
  
• purtty: Southern drawl slang for "pretty."
  
• pushed up: when someone gets close to another person without their expressed consent with the intention of creating sexual
  
• Putonkasville: my mother's derrogatory term for living in Pennsylvania.
• queeny b!tch: my friend james' nickname for me, isn't it cute?
• quell'horror: a sarcastic show of disgust (i.e. "They wouldn't let you in the club. Quell'horror!") From the French.
• quickness: term meaning doing something as fast as possible, often used with the phrase "...with the quickness."
  
• Ramilicious: Rami on "Project Runway's" name for his WWE Diva.
• rape shower: when a person takes a shower to symbolically cleanse themselves after they've been raped; often seen in Lifetime TV movies, the rape shower consists of frantically soaping up your body, sliding slowly down the side of the shower wall while sobbing, and ending up on the shower floor where you begin rocking and crying.
• remixstro: a combination of the words "remix" and "maestro," a remixstro is someone who puts remixes together in expert fashion.
• renegade: modifies anything that is bada$$ (e.g. "Did you see her just cut the line? That was totally renegade.")
• Rent-a-Date: a service where you hire someone to act as your date for a period of time, an escort; typically used to convey when someone has suddenly revealed a new dating partner that no one has ever met before.
• rexy: adjective; means when someone has become a little anorexic.
• Rice Star: my very favorite Chinese and Japanese restaurant where they always get my order right or more like 89% of the time and they never know my name.
• ridonk: short for "ridonkulous."
• ridonkulous: when something is completely amazing or bananas.
• Rocco's: my bakery on Bleeker Street; where I get the best double chocolate cake ever made.
• rocking: to wear an article of clothing in a particularly stylish or fierce way.
• rocking and crying: the act of crying while holding your body tight and swaying in tune to your sighs; often used for dramatic effect to indicate when you hate your life. (see also: rape shower)
  
• run for it: driving term; refers to when you park illegally in Manhattan and make a "run" for your destination in hopes that when you return, your car won't have gotten a ticket or been towed.
• 'scuzz: origin "Home for the Holidays," slang term for "because," often used in the phrase "just for 'scuzz," also indicates when the thing you're doing "just because" is negative in some way.
• sadlarious: when something is in the middle of being both hilarious and sad.
  
• scandallas: means "scandalous," but a scandal that is so overtly dramatic it could have been a plot line on "Dallas."
  
• Scoop Newsworthy: the name my father gave me when I became a journalist; refers to anytime I write for a professional publication (i.e. not the blog).
• scruffywag: a middle-aged, slightly overweight, moderately hairy man who maintains an air of aloofness, humor, and mischievousness enough to continue to make him attractive; a combination of the words "scruffy" and "scallywag."
  
• sexy time: "Borat" origin; when the mood shift to discuss sex or other sexual matters; the beginning of sexual intercourse.
• shat: the grammatically incorrect past tense of "sh!t."
• Shopping with a capital 'S': my notorious all-day shopping sprees; can also be referred to as "SHOPPING: ALL CAPS."
  
• shifty eyes: any use of the eyes (slanted, pointed upward or downward) that conveys disdain, hatred, or disgust with your presence or behavior.
• shirtless card: a fictional card that all men with good bodies are supposed to carry that denotes that they are allowed to take off their shirts during the summer months; fines may be levied on men who take off their shirts and do not have a shirtless card.
• sh!tstorm: this is when you lose your mind over something not being done your way or done incorrectly; usually involves diva demands and childish behavior.
  
• shma-: the "shma-" prefix goes ahead of any word in order to convey sarcasm onto the meaning of that word, as if your use of that word is a "sham;" see also, "inshmanity," "shmank" and "shmaunderful."
• shmank: derived from the word "thank," shmank should be used when someone does something after you've asked them numerous times or you didn't want it done in the first place; typically used in the phrase "well, shmank you very much."
• shout-out: an exclamation of acknowledgment and appreciation to someone or an institution; see also, "big up."
• singledom: the state of being single as in not in a relationship.
• sitchy: short for "situation."; often refers to when the situation is bad.
  
• skank: a nasty, nasty girl.
• Skippys: they make your feet feel fine, Skippys, only $1.99.
• skunk patch: so I got into an accident that ripped off the front part of my red car and the repair shop put a gray patch on it to fix it, thus "Big Red has a skunk patch."
  
• slowocity: the act of being slow.
• small hell: when something goes wrong in a small way.
• Snakes on a Plane situation: refers to when you take something that looks mildly fun and create such a hype and hysteria around it before its revealed that when it is revealed, it does poorly due to disinterest.
• snarf: the act of shooting a liquid you were consuming through your nostrils or mouth due to involuntary contractions of your diaphragm caused by extreme laughed; see also "upchuck."
  
• snarkyness: the quality of using sarcasm in all situations of life; extreme sarcasm.
• sneaky peek: when, unexpectedly, you take a look at something.
• snoozefest: when something is incredibly boring.
• sorie: means sorry, duh!
• Spicy: Tip's boyfriend; upon his reference, you must say muy caliente! afterwards.
• spinnin': refers to whenever music is played.
• spot stalker: driving term; refers to someone who stalks parking spaces or when someone waits for a long time for you to leave a parking spot, thus creeping you out slightly.
• squintacular: a celebration of squinting.
• Staycation: a term that indicates people who are choosing to stay at home (or do what I've always done) instead of taking elaborate vacations because the economy is bad.
• steal my thunder: to take someone's praise by doing something for more laudable at the same time.
  
• straight up now tell me: means "tell me the truth without any lies;" Paula Abdul origin.
• suck it: a short version of the old classic "suck my d!ck" admonishment, "suck it" is used in a more playful way to indicate superiority over someone else in a trivial matter (such as winning a game of pool).
• Sunny Day Care Society: a fictional mental health institution located in Upstate New York that I created, which is used as a descriptive phrase whenever someone does something particularly crazy (eg, "You better stop talking to that tree or I'm gonna send you to the Sunny Day Care Society."); the slogan is "The Sunny Day Care Society: Where Everyday Is a Sunny Day"
  
• supercool: when something is totally the coolest and bestest in the whole wide world; never put a space between the words.
• sux: another spelling for "sucks," used to convey extra suckage.
  
• SVU: nickname for one of my favorite shows Law & Order: SVU.
  
• T-Rex: what my friend Celine becomes when she gets drunk, falls asleep, and then wakes up.
• talkies: movies were the plot is moved based on the characters talking a lot (eg, "Interiors," "Metropolis.")
• Tangerine Speedo: a reference to a song by Caviar; became a name for a friend, Aaron.
• tase: verb; the act of tasing someone with an electronic taser gun; term popularized by college John Kerry heckler who exclaimed "Don't tase me, bro!"
  
• thang: whatever it is that you're really good at.
• the 30-minute Chow Chow interval: an algorithm that found that if I returned to my dorm room and Chow Chow wasn't there, he'd be there in 30 minutes. Never failed.
  
• The Bible: The Bible (from Greek biblia, "(the) books", plural of biblion, "book", originally a diminutive of biblos, which in turn is derived from byblos, meaning "papyrus" from the ancient Phoenician city of Byblos which exported this writing material), is the classical name for the Hebrew Bible.
• the city: always refers to Manhattan.
• the Crap: common nickname for The Gap.
• the crew: the most kick booty group of Barnes & Noble employees ever!
• the crunch: the daily pile-up of cars on Route 80 West in the morning that begins at exit 30; avoided at earlier and later times.
• The Express: a fictional gansta' expression Michelle and I created which involves hand signals; vaguely means when something is done shoddily in interest of saving time.
• the flesh of another: when you are thinking of cheating on a significant other; from "looking for satisfaction with the flesh of another;" fake British origin.
• the hatch: my car's hatchback; great place for storing people when seats are full.
• the Herp: the cute little nickname for the virus herpes simplex 1.
• the holidays: my favorite time of year.
• the incubator: my old apartment, shaped like a box and overactive radiators.
• the Internets: similar to the webosphere, it describes the World Wide Web.
• The Juicys: the nickname for the Juice With Junior Awards; an individual award is called a "Juicy."
• the Kief: my very special nickname for Kiefer Sutherland, cause we're very close.
• the light: what you step toward when you die.
• the magic: that cosmic entity that controls our fates, provides us power, and helps us get to where we need to go when we are lost. I mean that last one literally; I was lost in the Bronx once and called upon the magic and it got be back to the highway.
  
• The Man: old. white. in control. opposite of those who shall lead "the revolution."
• the pixie cut: a very short hairstyle where the sides are especially short and the top is longer and waved to a part on the side; famous examples include Mia Farrow in "Rosemary's Baby" and Janet Leigh in "Psycho"; also known as my favorite haircut.
• the points system: an infinite point system exists for the behaviors or the appearance of people in life; points can be subtracted or added, never traded, and divided by category (eg, "sexy points," "good person points.")
• the revolution: the day when my people will rise up and overcome.
• the Russian: Andre Birleanu. "America's Most Smartest Model" contestant. I'm in love with him.
• The Sticks: derrogatory term for the country.
• the vapors: a term that indicates when a person has become out of breath due to the presence of a gorgeous man.
• The ... whisperer: a term, derived from "The Horse Whisperer" and "The Dog Whisperer," that describes when you have a cosmic connection with something around you (eg, Every elevator I go in gets stuck. I'm like the elevator whisperer.)
  
• tho: short for "though."
• Tip: my friend Stephanie (you'll have to ask her).
• Today. Now.: a term that indicates when something is incredibly urgent that you need it "today" but more like "now."
  
• Tori Spelling baby: you know how before Tori Spelling had her baby, she was kind of aimless, acting, going on reality shows, not really doing anything and then she had the baby and it became her whole life and gave her direction; this term means something in a flaky person's life that gives them direction, e.g., "I never thought Robert would be this disciplined ever since he got that dog. It's totally his Tori Spelling baby."
• tose: refers to someone who is lactose intolerant.
• totes: short for "totally."
• trafficick: a term used when traffic is starting to drive you insane; a combination of the words "traffic" and "sick."
  
• tragesty: a combination of the words "tragedy" and "travesty," when something is so bad it is both tragic and a travesty to the human condition.
• trolling: verb; to hunt, typically used in the phrase "trolling for men" in which women and gay men go out to find available men in a public place.
• trusties: term meaning "trust me" but used in a more casual way.
• ughness: when something or someone is straight up nasty or annoying, it or they has or have "ughness;" add "major" in front for the emphatic.
• Underwear: my mom and I's nickname for Blair Underwood.
• upchuck: verb; the act of vomiting or spitting out food or beverage due to external circumstances; see also "snarf."
• vajay: a shorten form of the term "va-jay-jay"; this term can refer to an actual vagina, the essence of having a vagina (eg, "I'm feeling like today is a vajay kind of day"), or femininity in general.
  
• va-jay-jay: slang term for "vagina" popularized by "Grey's Anatomy"; see also "vajay."
  
• vay-cay: slang for "vacation."
• velously: yet another word that means "obviously;" used in a sarcastic tone typically.
  
• vids: short for "videos."
• vortex of sound: this is a phenomenon that occurs in my office when too many people stand in front of my desk (which is near a common area) and the noise they make swirls around me like a vortex.
• wackified: verb; to make wack or bad.
  
• wanker: a sex-less loser; British origin meaning someone who has to masturbate because he can't get sex; typically refers to a male.
• webosphere: the World Wide Web ether that's all 'out there,' you know, the Internets.
• websiting: verb, the act of visiting your favorite websites in the morning; also a term that indicates when you are milling about the Internets with nothing to do.
• weirded out: to be freaked out by someone or something.
• werk: also spelled "work," to give all that you have into something. To acknowledge someone gave all they have to something. Usage: She werked that presentation and will get the promotion. Credit goes to Allan at the adventures of an extroverted wallflower. Thanks Allan!
  
• West Hell: term for a place that you really can't stand, i.e. I don't think I can make it, remember I live out in West Hell.
• wha-wha, wha-what: urban music expression of unknown meaning or history.
• whap: using onomatopoeia, the word indicates smacking something or one.
• whatevs: I don't care so much about what you're talking about that I can't even bother to use the whole word "whatever."
• what the hey: used when "what the hell" cannot be said, such as when you're in front of children or in church.
  
• what the L: short for for "what the hell;" used when "what the hell" is too strong a sentiment.
  
• whippet: my name for the men that work at the design office on my floor.
• wifey: a ghetto term that describes a woman that a man dates who is neither a temporary flirtation or his actual legal wife; refers to a woman who is worthy of marrying.
  
• Wikiddicted: verb; the act of being addicted to reading articles on Wikipedia and then clicking on related articles about what you were just reading about until you realize you've read dozens of wikipedia articles in a sitting.
  
• wino: slang expression meaning someone who gets sloppy drunk on cheap wine; a messy drunk person.
• word vomit: when you begin speaking a lot of nonsense about yourself or someone else and for some reason know you shouldn't but you can't stop.
• wrinkly balls: mean spirited description of any dried up older man who still attempts to have sex with young people; also a straight-forward description of old man testicles.
• WTF: "what the f*ck!"
• yeah +: an exclamation, pronounced "yeah, plus!" Used to describe extreme pleasure over something.
  
• yo-ness: this is a hard expression to describe, yo-ness is used to describe anything wonky going on in your life, like if you keep losing the same thing over and over again or it feels like you're having deja vu, that's all called "yo-ness." (eg, "I know I closed the door and when I came back in the room, it was wide open. That's major yo-ness.")
  
• YouTubular: havin' fun on YouTube! Maybe too much fun.
• you-tubing: the act of spending way too much time trolling for videos on YouTube.
• yowza: old-timey expression for when a woman is a knock-out, a babe, or the bee's knees.